Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Two Years Later...

When I first started this blog two years ago, I had big dreams of what it could be. I was so excited to delve into the world of blogging and share all the wonderful thoughts that were swimming in my head. At the time, I had a daughter that had just turned two, and a son that was about to turn one. I was organized, had my head on fairly straight and was THE BEST MOM EVER (ha!)! Now, I'm going to whine a little lot about poor old me, and catch you back up to where I'm at today. I mostly just feel the need to get it out and be able to move on as a stronger person. I'm determined not to let the crap that life throws at people to get the best of me.

Soon after the last time I wrote, I got pregnant with my third child, a girl, that I ended up having one year after I started this blog. After she was born, I had the "normal" postpartum stuff happening. Life seemed like one big, exhaustion filled blur; I was feeling a bit blue; I felt like a big, jiggly hippo; I was exhausted... I kept thinking everything was normal and that it would go away as my hormones leveled out. I was getting migraines every couple weeks, then that turned into every week, then finally it was every. single. day. I was getting irritable, dizzy, nauseous and felt all around miserable. I couldn't remember one second from the next, and would often wonder how I even got wherever I was - my brain was in a thick fog. I started feeling incredibly depressed, and thought I couldn't go on another day.

In the middle of all this, my husband and I moved to a new house, and oh, did I mention I was in college? And running a business? And had three kids ages three, two, and a few months old? Yeah, so you can see how I was thinking all my exhaustion was normal, right?! Sheesh!

So, anyway, my body started shutting down, and there were many, many days where I would sit on the floor and cry, because I literally couldn't even stand up. I couldn't lift my arms long enough to put my kids' clothes on some days. I was flat out exhausted, in a way that I'd NEVER, ever felt, even throughout all three pregnancies. Yep, worse than first trimester fatigue! Finally, I knew something was actually wrong with me (did I mention that I usually push myself way further than I should?), so I made an appointment with my OB to talk about postpartum depression. After talking to me a bit, he said that I was showing signs of depression, but that he wanted to test my blood first before prescribing anti-depressants. The next day, my doc called and asked me how on earth I was even functioning at all! He went on to tell me that I had severe hypothyroidism and that a normal TSH level is around 0.3 to 3.0... I was at a 104.5. Yes, one hundred and four point five. Now, a level that high (or "low" in the confusing hypothyroid world) is certainly not unheard of, but it's not common. Along with that, I was anemic and severely deficient in vitamin D. No wonder I couldn't function! I was like a dang zombie!

I was so happy that we figured out what my problem was and I could get on a track of fixing it. The bad thing about thyroids is that it takes a long time for your TSH levels to be built up with Synthroid (or any meds), so, especially with outrageously high numbers, it is not a quick fix. It took me probably a good 6-8 months to start feeling alive(ish) again. The time in between was full of tears and frustration over the fact that I couldn't live life like I wanted to, but my weight was melting off, and I could see a light at the end of this dark tunnel I'd been in for so long.

Right about the time that my thyroid problems were getting under control, I woke up one night with horrible pain in my side, and I was convinced my appendix was rupturing. I took myself to the ER at 3am and had a bunch of tests, including a CT. The ER doctor came back and told me, very nonchalantly, that it was just a bunch of ovarian cysts and "a large adnexal mass" and told me to follow up with my OB. I made an appointment for a few weeks out, thinking it was not really a big deal. When I went in and my OB started looking at my CT results, he seemed highly annoyed that nobody showed him them before. I had a 6" mass next to/wrapping around my tube, that was basically starting to kill the ovary. He scheduled me for a slew of tests, ultrasounds, and a surgery to have it removed. He was being extra cautious, because it was mucinous; so, he was concerned about the possibility of a rare cancer called pseudomyxoma peritonei, which, coincidentally, my mom had a few years ago.

The surgery went well, and I came out of it one 6" mucinous cystadenoma, one tube and one ovary lighter. My recovery went well, aside from taking longer than I thought it would, and I am feeling much better in terms of health.

On one hand, I'm feeling really weak right now, because I've had a lot of other normal life hardships pummel me along the way as well. On the other hand, I'm feeling a bit like a rock star for making it out alive. This year, we've had our car window shattered and hundreds of dollars worth of stuff stolen; my baby had to be put through the ringer - spinal tap and all - when we thought she had meningitis; one of my husband's childhood best friends passed away from cancer; two of my siblings and their families have moved to different cities and states, when they used to lived within a few miles of me and we hung out regularly; my son chipped his front tooth; my parent's house was broken into while we were house-sitting; my oldest daughter cracked her head open, leading to her getting staples in the middle of my son's birthday party; the hard-drive in my one year old MacBook Pro just stopped working... 15 days after the warranty was up (we really meant to get the extended warranty, but *somehow* in the midst of everything else, it didn't happen!)... taking over 10,000 pictures and videos of my children along with it (also meant to back up the hard drive, but didn't. I know, I KNOW!!!!); my parents recently sold their house, which my husband and I lived in for 2 years while they were out of town, and has been the gathering spot for our family for years. It's where I had 2 of my children and became a mom. After moving 18 times in my life, it's the only place I really feel at home. Worse than losing the house I have so many memories from, this also includes my parents moving to another state... Now, I realize that some of these are relatively minor things, but when they're piling up constantly, they feel a whole lot bigger and more frustrating than they should be.

Did I mention that all of this is happening while my husband and I are in college (online, full time credits), I'm running a business, we're raising three kids aged three and under AND I'm sick and dealing with surgery? INSANITY!

So, this is where I'm at today. I have officially decided that I'm leaving all the crap behind me. Today is a new day and I'm just not going to let all of these things bring me down any longer. I look back and am amazed at how strong I was throughout this year that I've felt the lowest in my life. I managed to not only keep my kids alive, but I continued to do fun activities with them as often as I could. I continued to cook yummy, homemade meals for them as often as possible. I built a garden with them that provided us tons of beautiful veggies to enjoy all summer. I did crafts with them, had dance parties, sang songs, arranged memorable outings, sewed adorable, coordinating outfits for them, planned fun parties... I also continued getting A's in the majority of my classes in college, ending up on the honor roll every quarter.  Don't get me wrong... My house has been a disaster zone more times than I'd like, my kids have spent more days in their jammies than they *should have* and I've found myself ordering pizzas more days than I want to think about.

Oh well, though, right? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and I'm still alive.




Saturday, March 20, 2010

Hello!

First off, let me introduce myself. I'm Talia. I'm a mama. I love to sew. I've been sewing as long as I can remember, but increasingly more so for the past few years. When I had my daughter, I started making bows & bracelets to doll her up the way I wanted to. That turned into making booties/soft soled shoes, then burp cloths, blankets & skirts... Now, I am to the point where I'll basically make anything you want! I hope to continue staying at home with my kids, but the only way for me to do that is to SEW!

Second, let me explain my blog. I'll have tutorials. I'll have craft ideas. I'll show off my Etsy stuff... I'll give you free stuff. Need I say more? Didn't think so.

I can't wait to get into this blogging world a little more, and share my love for all things crafty!